If only my hands were not stumpy, a production of 16 years of prednisone. If only I had man hands. If only I had chopped off my Dad's hand (I only need one, he can live with a left hand...oh all right, I'll take the left if I must).
But if only any of that were possible, this would not look so absurd:
I seem to have a serious problem when it comes to sizing things and the only men around to help model things for me is my uncle who claims to have "small hands" and as such, I am not sure I can trust him for proper sizing.
You can quit laughing now.