Saturday, August 09, 2008

Ravelympics - Days 1 & 2. Subtitle: Gauge swatching can kiss my ---

You would never know it, but this Cotolino hates me. Let me share my woes.

Day before yesterday: knitted a few gauge swatches. It was knitting up to about 22 stitches over 4 inches and the pattern I wanted required 24st/4". Fine. I went down a few needle sizes.

Yesterday: began the Josephine top (under "Projects", 5th one down on the gaunt model that it doesn't really fit). I knitted and knitted and watched LOST and knitted and watched the Opening of the Olympics and knitted some more until I had 4 inches of knitted garment where it said I was to measure and decrease. Dimensions were supposed to be 21.75" wide. My piece of smirking smugness? More along 30". Let's just say that I was not thinking charitable thoughts on the lying piece of lying crap!

So, last night, I began knitting swatches again. I dug out all my smaller circulars and began swatching on 3s. 22 st/ 4". WHAT. Fine. 2s. 23 st/4". This was ridiculous. Okay, let's see what the US#1s could do! ...

23 st/4".


Fine. This morning I decided to suck it up and started knitting all over on the 2s, working on the smaller pattern for people with chestes to the tune of 36.5" (in my dreams). I stopped after the first full working of the lace chart and measured. What was supposed to be 19 was...25". An improvement. What would fit an elephant before would now comfortably fit a horse instead. Niiice.

I woefully reported to Team Rubberneck that I was out of the Olympics before I even really started until several people told me that people with Dr. Horrible Ravatars were not allowed to throw in the towel and to pick something else out. I had already done that since I figured that the Josephine Top would just have to wait (and I wanted to throttle those who did make one with Cotolino because they must have done it while dancing naked around a bonfire during the rising of a blood moon while sucking down the tears of a prom queen virgin using those nifty beer-can-holding-hats...I want one--for water, of course).

I had gone through my Ravelry queue and after dismissing sweater pattern after sweater pattern (wrong gauge, wrong yarn, not enough, would look like a McD*n*lds paper sack after a month of blowing around on I-70), I settled on the Bonsai Tunic (second verse same as the first). It fit my gauge, it also used a plant fiber (I don't know how much cotton/linen differs from bamboo but they're both flammable and made from stuff that eats poo and turns green, why not?). But that was not the end of this Cotolino's tricks!

Because though it fit the gauge, it would not behave. After a full 2" in, I decided to measure. It was supposed to be 19" wide. It was 23". It took incredible self-control as well as the consideration of how long it took chemically burning my wrists in hot dishwater and factory soap to earn enough to buy the friggin' yarn to keep me from tossing it all in a pile and lighting it.

I took a deep breath. I went down a needle size. I watched some anime. I measured. It is behaving itself. For now.

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