I'm still here.

I just wish I could figure out where 'here' was. My psyche is acting a little like my dog. She sits down, looks around my room and says brightly "This is great! But when are we going home?" And I calmly tell her that we *are* home. It's different, but it's home now. And she gives me a blank stare, tilts her head and goes "But when do we get to go *home*?".

Pardon me. It's not been easy. It wasn't easy last time either, I'll have to be completely honest. But at that time, I knew that my uncle's place was temporary, that I still had a home back in Kansas. That I could still go back.

And it's not that I had all too much to miss. I had become a rather faded wallflower to most of the people of my church. I didn't have a lot of friends ('cept for you, disillusioned). Perhaps I should have gone out more, talked more, but that's just not how I roll. But I do miss trees. I miss rolling hills. I miss the open sky and horizons. I miss all those awesome indie shops with their "smoking accessories" (trans. bongs but don't tell the police) tucked away upstairs behind dark counters. I miss driving to Kansas City.

But it's not that I don't like it here. The people here are more outgoing and they seem friendlier (EXCEPT WHEN THEY'RE IN THEIR CAR). The mountains are amazing and even more so now that I can see them thanks to my optometrist who is the son-in-law to the doctor who delivered me. I also get meds from the pharmacist who gave prescribed meds to my parents before I was even conceived. I see a dentist who used to play with my aunts and uncles when they were kids. I mean, the connections to everyone here are overwhelming!

I think I'll have to wait a little longer for my psyche to finish turning in circles in my room and finally settle down comfortably. It'll happen. Eventually.

The arrogance of man

Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to and makes up his mind to do. We are capable of greater than we realize.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Someone on my LJ was talking about a man who was promoting his book on NPR called Five Lessons a Millionaire Taught Me for Women. She said, "He said that there's been a shift in society recently and that the majority of the purse strings of the nation are currently held by women, and [they] haven't been prepared for it. He's doing a series of seminars for women about money and how to use it".

The arrogance of it all nearly caused me to stick my eyes in a permanent roll. You know who has ALWAYS been in charge of the finances in my family? My mother. You know who wound up being in majority when it came to watching finances in most of my friends' families? THE WOMEN.

Why is it that we must tell ourselves that we can't or shouldn't?

Why did my friend recently make a most startling discovery that the math she was told all of her life would be too hard for to do WASN'T HARD AT ALL?

Why did I take College Prep Calculus in high school VOLUNTARILY?

Because it's not hard. In fact, math is terribly straightforward. I love doing calculations in my head, figuring out how much something costs on sale at some random number like 16%. I love figuring out how many cups I'm drinking if I'm taking in 2.4 liters. And converting milligrams to ounces or grains to cups. I do that naturally as a nurse!

If women can be nurses and teachers, psychiatrists and mothers, why can't they also manage finances? In fact, they can.

Don't let these noisome thoughts that say "You caaan't. You're not smaaart. It's too haaard" fill your head. It's a pack of awful lies. Really, it is. Anyone can do whatever they put their mind to and I know you can do it. I know I can do it.

*steps down off her soapbox*

Life, The Universe, and Knitting.

I'm doing several things in a day that take up my time.

- I look for a job.
- I run Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.
- I read two chapters in my Nursing Text Book.
- I try to take over the world (28 and 30, to be specific).
- And sometimes I even knit:



Duncan is showing off the rolly bit that will someday grow up to be a Gathered Pullover.

And someday I might even show my niece how to do the same. She's professed interest, so perhaps someday. :)